by Bryan Gonzalez
In my 15+ years of fundraising experience, sitting down with a donor for coffee, tea, hot chocolate, breakfast, or lunch is almost always the most effective fundraising strategy. But why? Well, with whom do you usually “break bread”? With friends and family. And, if you’ve been following this column for any length of time, then you’ll know how important “donor centric fundraising” is because it’s here that we focus on relationships.
Quick caveat: tours of your PHO are also really effective, but this article will focus on offsite donor meetings.
Once you’ve made the appointment with a donor (and if you need help getting donors to respond, this article can help with that), what might be some tips on how to eat with your donors?
First, make sure that the objective is clear with the donor ahead of time. Is this an appreciation meeting? Is it a getting-to-know-you meeting? Is it a solicitation? In your pre-meeting communication, be sure to make this clear, so it’s not a surprise to the donor. What if you say it’s an “appreciation” meeting, and the donor – at the end of the meeting – says: “Well, what you’ve said is really impressive… would you like to ask for a donation?” Exercise respect with your donors and say, “Well, that’s not what we came here for; I’d rather not change the point of the meeting.” Feel free to follow up in an email or phone call, though, and make an ask, but – in general – it’s not good to change the point of the meeting mid-meeting.
Next, put your devices away! A sure-fire way of demonstrating that your donor doesn’t really matter is to leave your phone on the table. There may be a need to show your donor a photo of your family, or grab a video from your website, or open your iPad for some graphs/charts; however, put them in a bag, purse, or on the chair beside you. Smart watches are also really distracting, so if there’s a way to silence them for the meeting, then do it.
Caveat: if your donor’s phone goes off, or if their smart watch rings, tell them: “Oh, feel free to answer that!”, as it shows respect for their time. It’s possible that they need to tend to something, and we can patiently wait.
Thirdly, let’s talk about the food itself. In general, avoid messy or distracting foods. Spaghetti, giant burgers, saucy wings, overloaded tacos, or anything that requires constant wiping, slurping, or fighting with utensils can become a distraction. You want the donor focused on the conversation – not wondering whether sauce is about to land on your shirt.
Likewise, avoid strong-smelling foods when possible. Fish, excessive garlic, onions, or heavily spiced dishes may linger throughout the meeting. The same goes for ordering alcohol, unless you already know the donor well and understand their comfort level. When in doubt, keep it simple and conservative.
Also, don’t order the most expensive item on the menu. Even if the donor insists on paying, humility matters. A simple sandwich, salad, soup, or breakfast plate keeps the focus where it belongs – on the relationship. If you are paying with ministry funds, modesty demonstrates good stewardship.
Try not to overeat. This sounds obvious, but many fundraising lunches unintentionally turn into personal mealtime. Take smaller bites and pace yourself. On the one hand, a donor meeting is not the moment to clean your plate in record time or spend long stretches chewing while the conversation stalls. On the other hand, if you’re going to make an ask or invite a donor to make a gift, then you’ll want to finish your meal in enough time to discuss the particulars about the project and spread out information on the table (be sure to clean it beforehand!), and discuss things. To summarize: pace yourself and watch how quickly the donor is eating, so that you finish up about the same time, and can accomplish the objective of the meeting (see point #1).
One surprisingly important detail: be kind to restaurant staff. Donors notice how you treat waiters, hostesses, and cashiers. Courtesy, patience, and gratitude reveal character. In many ways, your interaction with staff may communicate more about your ministry than your fundraising presentation.
Finally, be mindful of meeting one-on-one with donors of the opposite sex. Perhaps this seems either obvious or to the other extreme, prudish, but I think (in general) the Pence Rule is a good one. Meeting in public one-on-one with a donor of the opposite sex is critical then, but it could still give rise to the appearance of scandal. Maybe even ask the donor if they feel comfortable meeting one-on-one, or if they’d feel more comfortable with a colleague or a board member. Agree to meet at the coffee shop or restaurant, instead of riding together. Inform your colleagues at the office that you’re meeting with someone and also share it with your spouse so they know. The less secretive it is, the better it is for all parties.
It goes without saying that you need to be courteous, ask good questions, know enough about your ministry, don’t chew with your mouth open, don’t gulp when you drink, etc. But this article is more about some things we may take for granted in 2026 when meeting potential donors for food and drink, even though it’s not really about the food and drink: it’s about building trust, strengthening relationships, and inviting people deeper into the mission that God has entrusted you with your PHO. A thoughtful, respectful meal can open the door to years of partnership and impact for life.
Practical Tip:
How often do you go to coffees or lunches with your donors? If this isn’t a regular part of your fundraising strategy, start by making a list of 5-10 donors you’d like to take for appreciation lunches (those are good places to start) and try that first.
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